Things I / we have done that haven't worked.

I think the title is fairly self explanatory, but to clarify; it means stuff I've done as a graphic designer or stuff we've done at work that just hasn't worked. Here goes.

1. Asked a potential client to choose what we look at in a creds meeting.
I had this brilliant idea that to stop the boredom of a standard creds / portfolio meeting we'd lay all our work out on the table and ask the potential client to choose a piece of work they liked. So we did this at a meeting with Burberry.

Yes, Burberry.

Cue very puzzled brand manager, "Errr, oh I don't know, erm you choose one".
Me, "No, no, no, you pick something that looks interesting".
Brand Manager, "Erm. Errr. Oh. Umm. No, you choose something..."
Me, "No, no, no, you pick something that looks interesting".
Brand Manager, "Errrr....".

We never worked with Burberry.

2. Cut a straight line.
I absolutely can not cut a straight line. Nowhere even near. At college the head of our course cut the stuff out for my college show. Now Tom or April do it.

3. Ice Cream Van.
A few years ago we were thinking about buying an ice cream van. We were going to paint it all up, all get dressed up and drive it round to clients and potential clients offices. Redo the inside so it could show all our work. And so.

That was until we had a meeting with our business advisor who said things like, "where are you going to park it?" "you're gonna turn up at my office in this smelly, dirty old diesel van..." "who's going to drive it?" "what if it's raining?" "how often are you going to use it?" and so on. It probably sounds like a half decent idea written on here, but it isn't. Trust me it isn't.

4. Mispronounced a name.
In any industry it's a good idea to have a decent relationship with journalists from the trade press. It isn't a good idea to mispronounce their name (a different way) every single time you meet them. That's one publication and one person who will never have a good, correctly pronounced word to say about me.

5. Scan.
I used to be able to scan stuff, not very well, but I could do it. Now I wouldn't know where to start. Does Twain Acquire still exist?

6. Sage.
Have you ever used Sage? Do you know what a nominal code is? Do you know what nominal code 5002 is? Have you ever tried putting one and a half years of accounts into Sage? Are you an accountant?

7. Shouted at someone for being late when actually I was late.
Do I need to explain that? And I mean really shouted.

8. Tried to make centred type look good.
But then no one can do that.

Comments

[The Dead Artist]

Sage is hell. Satan loves Sage.

[davidthedesigner]

I bet Richard http://www.acejet170.typepad.com/ could show you some centred type that looks good, couldn't you Richard?

You were right about the ice cream van though. It reminds me that I once set a student project to design a poster for an exhibition about ice cream packaging - it was called 'Arti Gelati'. I thought they'd come up with some brilliant ideas, but they actually came up with zilch. Design and ice cream: they just don't mix.

[TomLR]

I had a great idea which maybe didn't work - I got fed up chasing clients for payment of invoices (who doesn't) - I tried lots of things - including literally turning up and refusing to leave until payment had been made, heavying, bailiffs, even machetes. One day I thought about what could be done tongue in cheek as a creative kind of way of almost EMBARRASSING them into payment - and I thought of an idea which maybe didn't have legs (although we didn't try it so maybe it would).

Get a big trailer, with massive speakers on (Dan will tell you what they're called - a 'sound system' ?)..and park it outside their office playing the track 'We Just Want Paying for the Work That we Have Done'...by a band the name of whom I have temporarily forgotten - but it's an American funk band so it really kicks.

[Richard]

Great post Ben.

David's right, I could - Stanley Morrison and Tschichold (Part II) could knock out a nice bit of centred type. There's just not much reason to do it now in our more interesting, assymetric world.

My old boss had the "brilliant" idea of offering graphic design via an automated web system; we all shot it down in flames.

Someone sent me a CV clad in corduroy and wombles once. That didn't work either.

We tried selling Fujifilm and ice cream van once, we thought it was a brilliant idea (still do). They stopped laughing eventually and sacked us. Then did a load of really shit advertising. So who's laughing now Fujiboys?

[claire Gates]

You made me laugh out loud. Oh dear!

[vicki]

You just made me feel so much better - thank you! I also made an arse of myself with Burberry. It must be something in the air. Ditto cutting straight lines, scanning (it ALWAYS crashes!), mispronunciation, lateness and centred type.

[hdw]

Amen to the centered type bit.

I take it your not referring to the Sage feed reader...

[Kevin]

Keep up the posts like this, the stories (Burberry) are fascinating!

[TomLR]

Claire, did you wee yourself ?

[Charles Frith]

I'm not sure the Burberry thing was a failure on your part. People who can't pick out something interesting. C'mon!!

Anyway. What's all this Brooke Shields Alphabet thing about?

http://www.flickr.com/groups/brookeshieldsalphabet/pool/

[david]

ddb didnt do too badly with number 8.
http://www.harveynichols.com/output/Page152.asp

[vicki]

Yes but kittens in clothes will redeem almost anything. Especially if they are doing kung fu.

[Ben]

Animals dressed as people is a bad idea. Always.

[cheap designer handbags]

Yes but kittens in clothes will redeem almost anything. Especially if they are doing kung fu